Post by sean on Jan 29, 2023 15:30:09 GMT -5
Hi all,
I wrote up a submission for Black Library, with the topic of Space Marine Successor Chapters. It's a 500 word excerpt and a 100 word Pitch. I went with the Raptors (Raven Guard Successor) who are known for their covert operations, and pragmatism and endurance in the face of tragedy. I would love any feedback or suggestions. Thanks!
500 Word Except
“Brother Baldon are you in position”
“Confirmed” came the short reply over the vox link.
“Confirmed” repeated Paltar.
Without turning his head he muttered to the marine lying beside him, “overwatch is in position.” Brother Farin’s eye remained focused on the scope of his bolt sniper rifle. He gave an almost imperceptible nod.
Paltar checked the target through his magnified scope. The tall Aeldari wearing a crested helmet appeared to be reviewing the defensive positions which had been constructed around what once had been mining station Thracian Fourteen. “Target is located,” he said, “uploading targeting data now.”
“Targeting data received,” said Farrin beside him.
“Fire when ready,” muttered Paltar.
Two heartbeats later the blast of Baldon’s bolt sniper rifle shattered the stillness.
Even at the extreme distance Paltar’s enhanced sense saw the distortion of the supersonic bolt strike the the center of the Aledrai’s helmet… and pass right through it.
“An illusion?” said Farrin quizzically even as he reloaded to take a second shot.
“A trap,” replied Paltar as he rose to one knee, his camo cloak falling around him, scanning left, just as Farrin rose copying his action and scanning right. A blur of shadow and motion caught Paltar’s eye at the edge of the treeline. He fired a burst from his bolt carbine, but the shots merely tore through the undergrowth. Then one of the shadows opened fire, the striking scorpion appearing as a blur of green armour, holding a sword and firing with a pistol. The projectiles cut through his cloak and gouged his matte green armour, exposing the ceramite beneath. A second later the striking scorpion’s head exploded into a red mist and shower of shattered armour plates, the lithe body materializing from the shadows toppling to the ground.
“Enemy contact.” said Baldon calmly over the vox link.
“Confirmed .” said Paltar even as his eyes picked out almost a dozen other shadowy shapes moving through the trees rapidly towards his position. “Evac plan Delta.”
“Confirmed.” said Baldon
Switching channels Paltar voxed. “Prime this is Talon one, enemy contact, need immediate evac, plan Delta.”
“Talon one, this is Prime. Confirmed, plan Delta. Storm speeder squadron Merlin is inbound E.T.A., fifteen minutes, they will provide fire support for the impulsor. May the Emperor watch over you.”
“Confirmed.” Said Paltar, even as he sprinted to the next patch of cover crouched low to the ground. He heard Farrin beside him let out an explosive grunt and saw his body rock from an impact.
“I’m hit,” said Farrin through gritted teeth, “estimated accuracy fifty percent, mobility eighty percent.”
“Confirmed.” replied Paltar, resting his bolt carbine on a downed log and firing another burst at the moving shadows, “get to the extraction, I’ll hold them and meet you there.”
100 Word Pitch:
A Raptors eliminator squad on a mission to assassinate an Aeldari Autarch, are caught in an ambush. As the trap closes around them they are forced to sacrifice their wounded brother and abort the mission. In order to survive they will have to demonstrate the mastery of covert warfare that the Raptors are known for. While others would have chosen to die in a noble last stand, the Raptors must find a way to survive and fight another day, for it is better to kill for the Emperor than to die for him.
I wrote up a submission for Black Library, with the topic of Space Marine Successor Chapters. It's a 500 word excerpt and a 100 word Pitch. I went with the Raptors (Raven Guard Successor) who are known for their covert operations, and pragmatism and endurance in the face of tragedy. I would love any feedback or suggestions. Thanks!
500 Word Except
“Brother Baldon are you in position”
“Confirmed” came the short reply over the vox link.
“Confirmed” repeated Paltar.
Without turning his head he muttered to the marine lying beside him, “overwatch is in position.” Brother Farin’s eye remained focused on the scope of his bolt sniper rifle. He gave an almost imperceptible nod.
Paltar checked the target through his magnified scope. The tall Aeldari wearing a crested helmet appeared to be reviewing the defensive positions which had been constructed around what once had been mining station Thracian Fourteen. “Target is located,” he said, “uploading targeting data now.”
“Targeting data received,” said Farrin beside him.
“Fire when ready,” muttered Paltar.
Two heartbeats later the blast of Baldon’s bolt sniper rifle shattered the stillness.
Even at the extreme distance Paltar’s enhanced sense saw the distortion of the supersonic bolt strike the the center of the Aledrai’s helmet… and pass right through it.
“An illusion?” said Farrin quizzically even as he reloaded to take a second shot.
“A trap,” replied Paltar as he rose to one knee, his camo cloak falling around him, scanning left, just as Farrin rose copying his action and scanning right. A blur of shadow and motion caught Paltar’s eye at the edge of the treeline. He fired a burst from his bolt carbine, but the shots merely tore through the undergrowth. Then one of the shadows opened fire, the striking scorpion appearing as a blur of green armour, holding a sword and firing with a pistol. The projectiles cut through his cloak and gouged his matte green armour, exposing the ceramite beneath. A second later the striking scorpion’s head exploded into a red mist and shower of shattered armour plates, the lithe body materializing from the shadows toppling to the ground.
“Enemy contact.” said Baldon calmly over the vox link.
“Confirmed .” said Paltar even as his eyes picked out almost a dozen other shadowy shapes moving through the trees rapidly towards his position. “Evac plan Delta.”
“Confirmed.” said Baldon
Switching channels Paltar voxed. “Prime this is Talon one, enemy contact, need immediate evac, plan Delta.”
“Talon one, this is Prime. Confirmed, plan Delta. Storm speeder squadron Merlin is inbound E.T.A., fifteen minutes, they will provide fire support for the impulsor. May the Emperor watch over you.”
“Confirmed.” Said Paltar, even as he sprinted to the next patch of cover crouched low to the ground. He heard Farrin beside him let out an explosive grunt and saw his body rock from an impact.
“I’m hit,” said Farrin through gritted teeth, “estimated accuracy fifty percent, mobility eighty percent.”
“Confirmed.” replied Paltar, resting his bolt carbine on a downed log and firing another burst at the moving shadows, “get to the extraction, I’ll hold them and meet you there.”
100 Word Pitch:
A Raptors eliminator squad on a mission to assassinate an Aeldari Autarch, are caught in an ambush. As the trap closes around them they are forced to sacrifice their wounded brother and abort the mission. In order to survive they will have to demonstrate the mastery of covert warfare that the Raptors are known for. While others would have chosen to die in a noble last stand, the Raptors must find a way to survive and fight another day, for it is better to kill for the Emperor than to die for him.